The Sick Girl
Anonymous story: many facts have been changed to maintain anonymity.
I still don’t understand… how can you feel like an outsider in a place where you are meant to fit in?
Growing up, I lived in a largely South Asian populated suburb. I played soccer, practiced Indian dance, and spent time with my family. I was a happy girl.
That all changed in 2013. I can still feel the ache that woke me up in the middle of the night. I was terrified because I couldn’t walk. I had to go to the emergency room, where my parents and I waited for hours to see a doctor. They told us I had a growing infection in my hip, most likely brought on by strep throat. I was transferred to another hospital, where I learned I needed surgery to remove the infection. This was the start of my journey. I was only 6 years old, just a baby
You’ve all likely experienced hardship, but there was probably a reason: someone to blame or something you did. Not in my situation. There is no reason this should have happened to me, or anyone else. My childhood was ripped out of my hands.
I was constantly traveling to other hospitals, in and out of surgery, and on and off crutches. I didn’t really get a chance to experience growing up and constantly felt like I’d never fit in. But through it all, there were some positives. I have a little brother, little sister, and an amazing mom and dad. They were always there to make me laugh and give me motivation. I genuinely don’t know what I would’ve done without them. I know my parents feel guilty. Maybe they feel like they could have done more or prevented it from happening in the first place, but it wasn’t their fault. We all got trapped in this terrible situation, but at least we had each other.
In elementary school, almost everyone was brown. I should’ve felt seen and accepted. Instead, I encountered hostility when I returned to school. Of course, people were nice at first:
“Oh Naya, I’m so glad you’re okay!”
“Naya, let me know if you ever need anything!”
“Come hang out with us!”
But this was all an act. They were merely trying to make themselves feel good by showing sympathy to the ‘sick’ girl. They didn’t give a damn. Kids can be very cruel. I was regularly made fun of, which made me feel incredibly lonely.
You recognize who your true friends are during your darkest moments. I was shy and afraid of my bullies, so I couldn’t speak up for myself. One day at recess, some kids wouldn’t stop teasing me, but my friends confronted them and stood up for me. This is one of my core memories. I like to think of this as the moment I realized I’m not really alone. I have people looking out for me.
Now I am in high school. Since my last surgery was four years ago, I finally feel “normal.” It’s nice to no longer be associated with surgery and crutches. I have made and lost a lot of friends while discovering who I am. Yes, I still experience moments of stress, loneliness, and anxiety, but I am confident that I can overcome them. Instead of being caught in the same never-ending cycle I was for so many years when I was younger, I can now concentrate on my future, identity, passions, culture, and family. Despite not knowing Hindi or having visited India, I am not any less Indian. My culture is beautiful! It’s incredibly vibrant, musical, and lively. My closest friends are brown, which occasionally makes me question if I have been keeping myself too isolated from the outside world. Any racism or discrimination might be too much for me to tolerate. However, I am tough and supported, so I am confident that everything would be okay. I’m even thinking about future careers. I want to become a pediatric orthopedic surgeon so that I can save other children from the hardships I endured.
All in all, I’ve learned and experienced so much for someone my age. I just wish little me stopped trying to fit in; true friends emerge when you stop worrying about what others think of you. So quit trying to please everyone, because that will only hinder your personal growth. You deserve the world, even if the world doesn’t deserve you.